Monthly Archives: July 2016

WORDS OF WISDOM

Today I came across this old article written by Nina Lamparski in the Wentworth Courier, 21st March 2007

Counsellor Jane Gillespie’s book “Journey to Me” openly talks about her battle with cancer.

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Author Jane Gillespie had just finished her chemotherapy when she decided to run away. “I’d bottled up all my feelings about having cancer and once the treatment ended I suffered a breakdown,” she explained. “I just had to pack up and leave.”

The Canberra mother of three had been diagnosed with a malignant lump in her breast in 1994, a “harrowing experience” that would turn her “whole world upside-down” & push her to flee to Sydney.

In the autobiographical Journey to Me, to be published on 24th March 2007, Ms Gillespie recounts how the pressure to shield those close to her from the emotional trauma became impossible. “Cancer is not just a physical illness,” she said. “It literally eats you up from the inside. You feel like you can’t share it with your family and friends. You want to protect them and not burden them even more. Eventually I couldn’t stand this anymore.”

But her impromptu move interstate did not provide the relief Ms Gillespie had hoped for. “I thought I could leave the past behind and yet it followed me. Imagine my shock when I discovered I’d brought myself with me.”

In the end, “I believe it was joining a Life Force Cancer Foundation support group that saved my life”, Ms Gillespie said. The not-for-profit organisation, which has support groups in the Eastern Suburbs and Inner West, helps cancer survivors deal with the emotional aftermath of their illness. There is also a separate Inner West group for carers.

Ms Gillespie, who now works as a Life Force counsellor, said she hoped her book would fulfill a similar role.

“I really want people to understand that there’s life after cancer but also that it’s okay to be down and feel negative at times,” she said. “Being open about what’s going on inside of you is a vital part of the healing process.”

Jane Gillespie is one of Life Force Cancer Foundation’s Counsellors. Life Force is a non-profit organisation, providing emotional/psychosocial support for people dealing with the experience of cancer, through a range of support programs and therapies including group work and meditation, counselling special and retreats. Support groups are held weekly in Sydney’s metropolitan area.

More information about Jane or Life Force can be found at these websites;

www.janegillespie.com.au                         www.lifeforce.org.au

 

CAN YOU GROW FROM GRIEF?

The world seems to be filled with pain these days. Everywhere we look there is terror, devastation and loss. In the United States it seems as though the police forces in many States are at war with people of colour, just because they aren’t white and they in turn are reacting with violence.

Elsewhere there are madmen (and women) blowing innocent people up or ramming a heavy vehicle into a crowd of revellers, gunmen opening fire on total strangers or rampaging through a group with a knife. We read newspapers, watch or listen to the news or just talk to our friends, and it’s in our faces – impossible to escape.

Provided we are feeling reasonably okay ourselves, the pain all this causes might be possible to view from a distance. We know it’s there, but if it doesn’t impact personally on us or those we love, we can mostly put it aside and be grateful that we’re safe. However, everything seems to be especially heightened now, with the spectre of COVID-19 hanging over us.

However, grief is a type of pain that no one can avoid forever, no matter how blessed our lives might be. Sooner or later, someone who is supremely important to us will die and leave us forever.

When someone very dear to us dies, the pain we experience is grief. We can’t avoid it; we can’t hide from it or run away from it, although some try. Even though we might feel like we’re drowning, ultimately we have to learn to let the waves knock us over before they dump us back on dry land.

When the worst of the pain subsides, we can be left wondering what just hit us, struggling to take a full breath. Life may seem like an endless twilight. No moon, no stars, very little light, dull and grey and nothing to make us believe that the sun will rise again.

Eventually the awful feeling of emptiness, as though there’s a hole in our very essence, does gradually lessen and it’s as though the stars do come out then the moon shines through, followed by a new day with the sun shining in the sky.

We no longer feel dreadful all day every day and there might even be some days when we forget about our grief completely. We will have more happy memories than sad thoughts about our loss and we begin to re-engage with life.

One thing it’s really important to know is that we will never be the same again. We’ve been through an extreme experience, the loss of something very precious that can never be found again in exactly the same way. We are different now and always will be but we’ve been in the crucible; we’ve survived the fire; we have come out the other side. Maybe we’re a bit wonky, with invisible and possibly some visible signs of the struggle we’ve been through, like a broken vase that’s been not very expertly mended.

Some of the cracks will always be there, especially at certain times that bring the sadness rushing back: anniversaries, birthdays, family holidays, etc. But hopefully we will also find that we have greater strength, clarity and resilience learned through the knowledge that we have survived something that in the beginning we thought might break us forever.

We will always feel sad that we can no longer do certain things with the person we’ve lost, but will always have the memories of the wonderful times we had during our shared experiences.

There is no ‘right’ length of time for people to grieve.  But for anyone who is still locked into grief, I suggest you seek help.

Talk to a grief counsellor and/or join a support group.

https://www.janegillespie.com.au/counsellor.html