Confession

In my last post I said I was “a veteran of two cancer diagnoses”.  The truth is I am really only a veteran of one diagnosis, not two.  This is because I am only just about to start on treatment for my second confrontation with cancer (and a completely different type) so I’m very much a novice again.

What has confounded me is the degree of shock I felt when told that what was thought to be Keratoacanthoma (KA) was actually squamous cell carcinoma (SCC). KA is a common skin tumour that has traditionally been regarded as benign, but some of these tumours have been seen to transform into SCC. Most KAs resolve spontaneously, but an underlying squamous cell carcinoma cannot be ruled out without removal of the tumor and microscopic evaluation. Mine did turn out to be SCC and the surgical excision could have meant that there was nothing more to worry about. However invasion by cancer in a nerve ending showed up. I am SO glad that I sought an expert opinion on what the pin-head sized spot that grew to the size of a pea in less than a week could be and had it removed immediately! Because of the nerve involvement I was referred to a radiation oncologist and radiotherapy was recommended.

I was really knocked about by this news and couldn’t make a decision until I’d given myself a chance to regroup.   It goes to show how deep the trauma went at my first diagnosis even though that was 19 years ago.  I believe I’m grieving the fact that my world has been turned upside down again and the fact that this is a very common form of skin cancer with little likelihood of there being anything to worry about down the track doesn’t make any difference at all to how I feel right now.

I feel as though I’m suffering PTSD all over again.  While I have calmed down a lot since deciding to go ahead with radiation treatment I’m still battling incredible fatigue and a decidedly fuzzy head.  I’ve misplaced my incredibly expensive Bulgari glasses (I’m sure I haven’t lost them; I just can’t find them) and a couple of days ago I did my grocery shopping only to discover when everything had been scanned at the check-out that I’d left my credit card wallet at home and didn’t have enough cash to pay for everything. Sigh…

I’m having to pay attention to everything that I used to talk about when I facilitated cancer support groups.  I’m trying to be gentle with myself and ask for help if I need it but this is much easier said than done!

Treatment starts in just over a week and will continue every day Monday to Friday for four weeks.  I’m not looking forward to it but I know that techniques have improved a lot in the past few years so it’s quite easy to only target the affected area and there’s much less likelihood of collateral damage.

So there it is – another detour on the journey of life that I would never have taken voluntarily but it’s happened and I will get through it with support from incredible friends and family.  And this time around I will let people know what I need so I won’t end up as a basket-case again, like I was last time.

© Jane Gillespie 2013  Author of  “Journey to Me”  www.yourlifecelebrated.com.au

How to Make Meditation Doable

We all know that meditation is good for us, don’t we? 

A study in 2005 on American men and women who meditated 40 minutes a day showed that they had thicker cortical walls than non-meditators. What this meant is that their brains were aging at a slower rate. Cortical thickness is also associated with decision making, attention and memory.

A 2008 study on 60 patients with high blood pressure showed that after participating in a meditation-based relaxation program, two-thirds of those people experienced significant drops in their blood pressure.  These men and women were able to reduce some of their medication as a result of meditating.

More recently, another study found that meditation was more than twice as effective as Morphine and other pain-relieving drugs in reducing pain levels.  Although only a small number of people participated in this study, the results are encouraging.

Almost everyone needs to turn their brain off now and then as an escape from the crazy business that we sometimes find ourselves in.

Okay, so I know meditation is good for me and that it can do wonders for me mentally, physically and spiritually. I know a daily meditation practice would be good for me.  BUT, for some reason I still find it hard to commit to a regular practice.  Can you relate to this?

I’ve read many articles and books on the ‘how to’.  I’ve gone to meditation workshops and classes but I still don’t meditate regularly.

Most of the time when I do set some time aside to meditate, rather than feeling relaxing it feels like hard work.  If you can relate to this, then like me, you probably just haven’t found the right way of meditating for you.

I’ve found a few ways to make meditating feel less like work and more like something I’ll do and even enjoy. None of the following suggestions are rocket science and none mean you have to commit to hours of meditating every day.  I hope some of these work for you.

Make sure you’re comfortable.  One of the things I’ve noticed about some of the accepted positions for meditating is that they can be super uncomfortable.  I can’t sit cross-legged at all and stretching my legs out in front of me brings on a numb behind and pins and needles in a matter of minutes.  Try this: 

Lie down.  Yep, that’s it.  Well, do make sure you’re comfy, then close your eyes and see what happens.  You might drift off into a nap or you might just feel like you’re floating and not thinking about much at all.  Guess what? Even if it’s only for five or ten minutes, you’re meditating!  If you find you always fall asleep, try sitting in a comfortable chair.  Make sure you are well supported so that if you do still drift off you won’t actually fall off the chair.  Close your eyes… (see above).  Experiment with what comfortable means for you.

Try counting a certain number of breaths.  This is a real no-brainer.  Take 50 (or 60 or 100) breaths.  Count them.  Try not to think about anything else.  I find this one works well for me. It gives my mind something to do while my body is just – there…  Hey, I’m meditating.

Use an alarm clock.  If counting your breaths doesn’t work, try setting your mobile phone or a timer for five minutes and meditate until the alarm rings.  You don’t have to worry about how long it’s been or how much longer you should be meditating. Just breathe and try to relax.  Easy-peasy.

Fake it for 10 breaths.  If you feel that you really, really, really need to meditate, but don’t feel like you have the time, just do 10 breaths.  Even if you tell yourself that you don’t have time for ten breaths, if you still feel like you really need it, just do it.  Ten breaths.  That’s all.  When you stop you’ll either feel like it’s done what you wanted or you might actually want to keep going for 10 or 20 more breaths.  When you’re really stressed out, just remember to start with only 10 breaths or you’ll never make it.

Use CDs.  These are useful guides that can take you to a calm place.  Some might just have music that encourages your brain to go into alpha mode (baroque music is great for this).  Others might be guided meditations where you are asked to visualize maybe going on a journey or imagine being in a place that is especially tranquil for you.  The presenter’s voice will constantly bring you back, if you find your mind is drifting off on thoughts of what’s for dinner or how much ironing you’ve got to do.

Keep experimenting.  Try as many different ways as you can to find what makes meditation something you are drawn to doing regularly.  If you’re not meditating on a regular basis right now, it’s only because you haven’t found a method that works for you; that makes you want to do it.  I promise you, when you find one or several methods that you actually enjoy, meditating will be easy.

www.janegillespie.com.au/counsellor